I’ve officially moved to my own webspace: www.KellyNaturally.com

I’ve also changed my Twitter name from

I will still be blogging here occasionally at SeriousShops (I do work here, afterall!), but future posts here will be mostly focused on the biz side of things. 

If you’re following my parenting, natural living, or gardening posts here on the SeriousShops.com Blogs, I encourage you to come on over to KellyNaturally.com!

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Thanks again for following & hope to see you at KellyNaturally.com!

I've been thinking lately about anger & how it affects children. And parents.
As parents, so much of our time is spent with babies, toddlers, and preschoolers (and children and tweens and teens, I can only imagine) trying to teach them how to control (suppress) their anger: We don't hit! No biting! Quiet voices inside! Use nice words! And meanwhile, try to control (suppress) our own anger, in an effort to be a peaceful (good) parent.

Really, I think we don’t want our children to be angry. Or, when they are angry (as people will be, of course), we want them to figure out how to get it under control. Like, NOW. And, in a way that socially acceptable (and doesn’t hurt my ears or other parts of my body, or embarrass you or me, thank you very much).  We don’t like the way it makes them feel, makes us feel, or the aftermath of said anger – theirs, or ours. I think we’d rather avoid it altogether.

I’m a believer of teaching children through example - SHOWING our children how to behave more than telling them. Children do learn more by what they see played out and work out themselves, rather than what they hear.

So, I try to be gentle. (Oftentimes feeling not all that gentle.)

I try to be quiet and measured with my voice. (Though sometimes all I want to do is yell!)

I try to give my children words to describe their feelings. (Nice words, when I can think of them.) 

I tell and show my children that sometimes we DON'T feel good, but even when you feel that way, you still need to act with kindness, patience, and peacefulness.  (Oh, that sounds good, doesn’t it?)

But I often find, that in my effort to teach anger management and keep a peaceful household, I get so wrapped up in the, “what can I do to not mess up my kids by getting angry with them” mode of thinking that I think I often miss the actual hearing what they are angry about and helping them work through it in a meaningful (though maybe not ideal) way.  In the striving to be perfect in my management of anger (rarely happens), I get so darned frustrated, I miss opportunities to stop, say what I’m feeling, and act it out myself in a acceptable way. I think this comes in part from my upbringing - my parents were not ones to withhold the anger (um, read: rage); and it didn't need to have reason.  Screaming was just the method of communication in my household.  So I know now as a parent myself, I try desperately to avoid that at all costs. Because I don't want to be a (the) YELLING MOM.  But in trying to restrict the rage, I disregard my early signals of anger, and miss opportunities to share with my kids, in reasonable tones, "Hey, I'm feeling irritable right now.  I need a break.", and instead, tend to bottle it until it blows.

Case in point: I will repeat ad nauseum "be kind/gentle to your siblings" & "please stop fighting", with increased frequency and urgency but then lose my temper (because my 5 year old has the third tantrum of the day, I haven't had my coffee, I need to pay the bills, go grocery shopping, vaccuum, do the dishes, and have a deadline to meet at work…) and end up yelling, "I've had enough!" and slamming a door to give myself (a much needed, but could have been otherwise more peacefully acheived) time out (right after telling my 3 year old not to slam doors)! 

Go me:  

Which make me wonder: does that very real action negate the message I’m trying to send my kids about anger?  Because, I’m really not that good at managing my own anger all the time.  I can get so frustrated that I yell (and apologize) or slam doors (and say I shouldn’t have done that) or make stupid threats like, “we’re never coming back to the playground!” (and then admit, no that’s ridiculous, of course we are, I was just feeling frustrated with your behavior and I lost my temper). And then I feel plagued with guilt at not being in control of my anger. And guilt at not being able to teach my kids to control their anger.  I’m supposed to be teaching life-long lessons here, right?

But then, that makes me wonder: is it even ideal to BE peaceful/even-keeled/NOT angry/in control all the time?

Kids and adults naturally feel anger as one of their emotions, and bottling that up isn't healthy. So, maybe what I need most to be striving for (and worrying about) isn't how to control and stifle anger (mine or theirs), but how to accept anger as a natural emotion, and learn how better to express anger in a healthy acceptable way. To stop worrying so much about keeping anger in check (so much so that I end up getting super-frustrated with myself, and thus the kids, & completely lose my temper), but instead show my children not that I’m impenetrable by anger.  That I can be, in fact, very touched by anger and frustration and irritation and annoyance, and that’s okay.  Maybe if I accept anger, as I feel it coming on, and express it (not smother it) through words like, “Hey, kids, right now I’m starting to feel angry because you’re not listening to what I’m saying to you”, I might be better able to release it before it builds up.  And in this way be teaching them through example, that saying, “I’m angry with you”, is really okay.  Far better than bottling it up and releasing it all at once by yelling or door slamming.

So how do YOU control your anger?  Or do you?  How do you teach your kids to express themselves when they’re angry? 

It's hard to believe, but we're already entering late Spring! So, I thought it would be a good time to update what’s blooming in my sunny & shady perennial gardens since my last gardening post!  The view in my gardens change nearly every day – I love it! Gardening is so peaceful... the connection with the earth... I really can feel the positive vibrations from the plants - it uplifts me!

So back down to earth.  A few of the photos below are of flowers newly planted this Spring (sweet william, stratheden, scabiosa, & yarrow), so they may be blooming out of turn.  I’ll have to wait until next year to see where they fall in the blooming cycle – I usually end up moving things after a year or so depending on height and bloom time.

So here’s what’s in bloom right now (courtesy of my iPhone)!

First, the sunny garden:

Cranesbill with Stratheden (one of my favorite spots in the sun garden)

Alstilbe

Sweet William

Daylily

Coral Bells (these grew so TALL this year!)

Yarrow (with Phlox not yet in bloom, behind)

Scabiosa

Next, the shady garden: 

Oxalis

Lamium (this is a super-quick spreader... I wouldn't mind if it took over most of the shade garden - so pretty!)

Rose

So, what's growing in YOUR garden? I'd love to know!

So it happened.  I’m no longer the mom of a baby.  My youngest is now three: not a baby, not even a toddler… a real big boy. 

It's not like it happened overnight, but man, the last three years sure have flown by. I clearly remember the day he was born: we drove leisurely to the hospital for a non-stress test… and left two days afterward with a baby.  Now, three very short years later, we find ourselves putting our bed back up on its frame and clearing out the baby toys, to make room for the new big boy toys. 

Sigh.

That’s both a sigh of relief… for the years of night waking and diapers being over; and, a sigh of wistfulness… for the time when he was tiny enough to hold in the crook of my arm.

My big boy: He’ll talk your ear off.  He loves building and singing. He’s always been a super cuddle hog. And he still thinks his big sister is the best thing on the planet.In the blink of an eye, twelve seasons have passed, and my little baby is a big kid.  Parents: hug your babies.  Time goes by so fast. 

I've given birth twice.  There are moments of both of my births that feel somewhat unsettled and disempowered, moments that feel triumphant and strong, and moments that are simply amazing.  While I feel mostly at peace with my birth stories, something in me wants to share what I did differently from one birth to the next, or what I could do differently, if I could do it again (note: two children is just the perfect amount for Adam & I!) Maybe it’s the birth activist in me.  Or, the natural-minded mama.  Or maybe it’s simply that hindsight is 20/20. I just wish that every woman could feel successful and glorious and proud no matter how she gives birth.  I’m hoping that by sharing some of the things I’ve learned, I might help another woman reach that place of peace with her birth.

So, with no further ado… the things I’d do (or in the case of my 2^nd birth, did) differently:

#1 – Study up on & practice birth positioning. 

I think one of the most important factors in an easier labor is having optimal fetal positioning.  That is, having a baby who is heads-down, facing mom’s back, with his back lying along one side of the front of mom’s tummy – in other words, Left Occiput Anterior.  Why is fetal positioning so important? A baby who is occiput anterior will have his chin tucked to his chest, and be able to present the smallest part of his head to the cervix.  What this means is that a baby in the right position will likely be born more quickly and more easily – less pain for mom, and less stress for baby.  A baby not in the correct position (malpositioned) won’t put as much pressure on the cervix, so labor may not start naturally.  Malpositioning may cause labor to be more painful, and baby may have a difficult time exiting, because their head isn’t presenting in a fully flexed position.

Case in point:  My first baby was Occiput Posterior after being frank breech for the vast majority of my pregnancy.  She turned in the week before she was born.  My labor was long, extremely painful, and ended in a c-section for failure of decent – due to malposition (posterior brow presentation). I understand now this is a very rare position.  Online I found an interesting case study in which the baby was previously breech, turned via ECV (external cephalic version – which was attempted with my daughter, unsuccessfully), the mom went into spontaneous labor, the baby descended in a forehead presentation, and was delivered using a vacuum & repositioning. I found this study interesting because it was done in Australia in 1998, and even then the author mentioned that the decision to rotate baby & deliver via suction (as opposed to c-section) was a tricky one, not easily reached.  In my case, I’d gotten to 10cm (or nearly so – my midwife indicated that I had an anterior lip) pushed for hours in many different positions, and my midwife had attempted to reposition my daughter, but she was “stuck”. A c-section was decided on after much deliberation – part of which included my doctor not being comfortable with suctioning due to my daughter’s forehead presentation, and the other part being that my water had broken 31 hours previously, and I had developed a fever.   

I want to clarify that I do believe, after much research, in spite of the best efforts given by myself, my midwife, the nurses, my husband, and my doctor, the c-section was warranted.  Unfortunately, I still feel a lingering sense of disappointment and “what-if-itis”:  what if I’d been able to hang on just a bit longer and try a few more positions again (we’d tried hands & knees, standing, birthing stool, lying back with stirrups, half-sitting with a birthing bar, kneeling & leaning forward on my elbows on the drop-end bed… you know, everything), what if I’d waited a little bit longer before getting an epidural (I got one somewhere around 20hrs after my water had broken – my detail memory is spotty throughout my birth story with my first – because it was so long, because I was in so much pain, because my midwife didn’t do many internal checks, and because I don’t have my medical records in front of me), what if I’d stayed home a bit longer (I headed in when my contractions were about 5 minutes apart for an hour – the hospital was 45 minutes away), what if we’d hired a doula who could have helped me understand that staying home a bit longer was okay, or who could have helped me hold out a bit more before getting an epidural, what if baby had been correctly positioned in the first place… the latter the cause for my listing optimal fetal positioning as my #1 do-over.

There are many ways to affect fetal positioning before labor starts – walking regularly, practicing prenatal yoga (which I did the 2^nd time around), chiropractic visits, doing inversions, sitting on an exercise ball, sitting forward instead of lying back in the couch with feet up,  doing regular pelvic tilts.

Some awesome resources, which I found during my second pregnancy, after learning about the importance of baby’s position in-utero:

http://www.homebirth.org.uk/ofp.htm

http://www.spinningbabies.com/

Take your baby’s position seriously.  It really can mean the difference between an easier or a more difficult labor and birth.

(on my birthing ball during my labor with my daughter – still smiling)

#2 – Hire a doula. 

With my second pregnancy, nearly the first thing I did after realizing I was pregnant was hire a doula. The first time around, I didn’t really understand what a doula did, why they were so important – so CRITICAL – to birth – particularly when you have no previous birth experience yourself, and you’ve chosen a hospital birth.   I remember wondering why a doula was necessary if you had a supportive partner.  Wouldn’t your partner feel left out?  What exactly would a doula DO if you already had a husband there?

I now know differently.  Firstly, a doula is familiar with birth – with the stages, the process, the pain and how to cope.  She’s familiar with hospital staff and policy (and which “rules” can be bent or broken). She’s there to help navigate the turbulent and unfamiliar waters of anxious soon-to-be parents, impatient doctors, pushy nurses, and crowding friends & family members.  She can help a mom dedicated to a natural birth plan remember, in the midst of the worst pain of her life, why she wanted to go natural in the first place.  She helps a dad know how best to help.  She’s able to help the laboring mom clarify and state her needs and desires to staff.  She can help a new mom latch her baby on – and this is critical, especially in hospitals who don’t have full-time lactation consultants on staff.  Perhaps best of all, and what I missed the most by not having a doula the first time around, is the certainty with which an experienced doula can tell mom in the midst of a very long labor: “yes, this is normal”, and “yes, you CAN do it”.  Though my second birth ended with a necessary emergent cesarean (olighydramnios + breech + previous C) at 36 weeks, I was still grateful for my doula.  She helped me make clear my needs post-surgery, and helped me with nursing. She set the stage for making me feel empowered in my birth, even while the best laid plans for a natural VBAC were quickly and unexpectedly unraveled. Hire a doula – you won’t regret the money spent.

(me and my doula - before my son's birth)

#3 – Put EVERYTHING in your birth plan. 

Not just the good stuff, but the not-so-good stuff too.  From early labor right through to the days after baby is born.  While creating my first birth plan, I barely scratched the surface of things I didn’t think would ever happen (i.e. an IV, constant fetal monitoring, pitocin, nubane, epidurals, and a c-section).  Naively, I really didn’t imagine anything would go any way other than as planned. While that type of thinking may have set my mind for success, by doing so, I unfortunately missed out on educating and preparing myself for the “what ifs”.  I didn’t fully research the process of c-sections because I assumed I’d never need one.  I didn’t look into alternatives to pitocin, nor the side effects of it, because I assumed labor would move along just fine.  Yes, I’d read about the “cascade of interventions” and how consenting to meds could lead down a path more likely to culminate in a c-section.  Yet, in my head, I wasn’t going to have a cesarean section, and I wasn’t going to need any interventions, so I needn’t put any further thought into it.  Why plan for a disaster when it’s not even on your horizon, right? Except… when I hadn’t slept for 24 hours, and hadn’t made any progress… in spite of my “birth planned” walking, standing, bouncing on a ball, showering, breathing, visualization, all without continual monitoring… and when the pain in my back from my daughter’s posterior position became unbearable… only then, I realized I really had no game plan.   I hadn’t thought of the what ifs.  Because they weren’t going to happen.  Yet… there they were.

To put it simply: being informed of the side effects of pain meds when you’re nearly out of your mind with pain and anxiety and tiredness isn’t really being informed. It’s certainly not the optimal time in which to be making decisions. And being completely immobilized on the operating table doesn’t lend itself well to making your desires and needs known for post-surgery care for yourself and your new baby.

So make your plans – all of them – ideal birth AND less than ideal – beforehand.  Put them in writing, and share them with your support people.

(getting sewn up, with my son on my chest)

#4 – Be ready with lactation support. 

I was lucky the first time around. The hospital where I gave birth was working on “baby-friendly” designation at the time, so, there was a lactation consultant on staff at all times.  Rooming in was strongly encouraged – they didn’t even have a nursery set up for non-urgent care infants.  There were no free formula samples, no bottles or pacifiers given, and all the neonatal nurses were educated and supportive about breastfeeding. But personally, I had only read a few things online and in books about breastfeeding.  I knew my mother and mother-in-law had breastfed, and I planned to do so myself.  But that was the extent of my preparation for breastfeeding. Again, like with the c-section, I never imagined that things could or would go other than “as planned” – so I didn’t have any alternate plans. Had I not had the amazing support of the staff lactation consultant, I’m not sure I’d have been able to make it through delayed milk coming in, an extremely jaundiced baby (due to ABO incompatibility) in the hospital for a week, and the complexities and frustrations of using an SNS and pump.  At the time, I didn’t know anyone in La Leche League – in fact, I’m not sure I’d even heard of LLL.  I didn’t have any friends in real life who had breastfed.  So, really, in the case of successful breastfeeding, I was just plain lucky.  The second time around, I was prepared with a doula, my LLL contact, a lactation consultant, and friends in my phone.  Not to mention the experience of successfully breastfeeding my first.  Don’t leave your breastfeeding relationship to luck.  Be prepared.  

(my milking machine & SNS - my constant companions in the hospital after my daughter's birth)

What I’ve learned through two pregnancies and births is that you can’t control everything.  There’s always an element of the unknown; the unknowable.  Yet the more information you have, the stronger you will be.  The more able you’ll be to make real informed choices; to feel empowered; to have a plan and make your plan known.  There’s a sense of calm that comes from preparation, and with that you’ll be better able to craft your birth in a way that is more altogether more comfortable, safe, and satisfying in the end. Here’s to better birthing!

I love making mix tapes.  Okay, let me rephrase that for the twenty-first century:  I love putting together thematic playlists in iTunes and burning them onto CDs.   So, last night, I was in the mood to make a emo playlist (in the emotion sense of the word, not the hardcore music sub-genre sense of the word).  In search of inspiration, I reached out to my Twitter followers:

I received a ton of replies – quite varied in genre. I also received a few requests to post the list of responses.  So, here are the answers I received (without appropriate capitalization nor spell/accuracy-check, my apologies):

placebo - running up that hill

harry nilson - i can't live

mazzy star - fade into you

jeff buckley - last goodbye

sarah brightman - love changes everything

dead can dance - severance

glen hansard - falling slowly

gary jules - mad world

queen - the show must go on

leona lewis - happy

kelly clarkson - sober

christina aguilera - if you're out there, ordinary people

sigur ros - hoppipolla

elgar - nimrod

beach boys - god only knows

peter gabriel - book of love

al green - lets stay together

lauryn hill - ex factor, a song for you

pearl jam - black, in hiding, rearviewmirror, present tense

david grey - the other side

coldplay - speed of sound

tracy chapman - at this point in my life

kd lang - a case of you

amiee mann - wise up

velvet undergound - candy says

david bowie - word on a wing

john cale - ghost story

pink - long way to be happy

peter gabriel & kate bush - don't give up

annie lenox - into the west

loreena mckennitt - lady of shalott

wilco - my darling

israel kamakawiwo'ole - somewhere over the rainbow

dar williams - i had no right

the dresden dolls - sing

ani difranco - angry anymore

c.r. avery - pocket knife

joni mitchell - case of you

kate bush - the woman's work

u2 - stuck in a moment you can't get out of

springsteen - if i should fall behind

colin hay - i just don't think i'll ever get over you

pink floyd - wish you were here

ryan adams - la cienga

Also received the answer "anything by" the following groups:

the smiths

fiona apple

death cab for cutie

portishead

andrea bocelli

And several songs given sans artist:

danny boy

that girl crystal

piano man

total eclipse of the heart

major tom (coming home)

its raining men

leaving on a jet plane

amazing grace

swing low sweet chariot

And finally, soundtracks/movie songs:

suo gan from empire of the sun

hans zimmer  - thunderbird & gladiator soundtrack

god is trying to tell you something from the color purple

i know where i've been from hairspray

ae ajnabi from dil se

I haven’t had an opportunity to look up/listen to all of these songs yet, nor add my own choices & make a mix… but I will! Thanks Tweeps, you rock.  Literally.

We went hiking this weekend for Mother’s Day.  It was the first real, long hike we’ve taken A.C. (after children); and Adam and I used to hike and backpack quite a bit B.C. (before children).  We were super-excited, and at the same time, not quite sure how it would play out. Truth be told, it ended up as the perfect trip; I couldn’t have planned a better Mother’s Day if I’d tried.  The children had a blast - they are naturals in the outdoors!  And Adam and I rekindled our love of hiking.  Can't wait to plan the next trip - even thinking of trying a backpacking/camping hike next time!

The hike we chose this past weekend was in the Delaware Water Gap national recreation area in Northern New Jersey/Pennsylvania.  It’s positively beautiful in that area (yes, New Jersey!) – breathtaking views, fresh air, even wild blueberries (though of course not yet in season). The weather on Sunday was nearly perfect – mid-60’s in the sun.  It was delightfully cool for hiking with a pack (or child) on your back, though a bit chilly for the children, who didn’t have packs, so it kept us all moving.  The coolness and breeze also kept the bugs at bay, which was a blessing.

We hiked a circuit trail up/down Mt. Tammany.  The whole hike was approximately 2.5mi, with an elevation gain of 1,200ft – I’d call it a moderate hike in difficulty.  It had varied terrain – a bit flat, most rocky, some small boulders, some gravel.  It’s a very clearly marked (blazed) trail, and well maintained.  Perhaps best of all, the trail was sparsely populated, even for a holiday weekend, which allowed us the freedom to move at our own pace – taking in the sights and sounds of nature, relatively uninterrupted. 

We chose to hike the trail in “reverse” – starting at the Appalachian Trail which is a bit less steep at the beginning, crossing the cascading Dunfield Brook, transferring to the “blue dot” trail, and descending on the “red dot” trail.  All told, with several brief rests on the ascent, a half hour stop at the top for lunch, a short tantrum, and a sleeping toddler strapped to my back for the descent, it took us a bit less than four hours.  With a 2 year old and 5 year old, on moderately difficult terrain, I call that a huge success.

For more information on the Mount Tammany hike, here are a few good links:

http://delawarewatergap.org/MountTammany.aspx

http://www.trails.com/tcatalog_trail.aspx?trailid=HGN141-001

http://www.purdes.com/njhiking/tammany/index.html

Along the way, we enjoyed beautiful overlooks, streams, birds, new spring growth, and the peace and inner focus that I’ve only ever found with exertive backwoods hiking. We even picked up few cans left behind by less-than-conscientious previous hikers (pack it in, pack it out, folks!).  

I rediscovered my love of hiking on this trip.  I was pleasantly surprised to find that I enjoyed it just as much as I remembered it B.C., and perhaps even more as viewed within the new, innocent perspective of my children – who just happen to be natural hikers and gentle embracers of the beauty of nature. What a blessing to realize that we could share something we enjoyed so much, with our kids – and find that they really enjoy it too.  We're really looking forward to our next trip!

We managed to capture some of the sights along the way with our iPhones (the joys of modern technology).  Enjoy!

Every day I hear and read and see adults who seem to really enjoy the company of their mothers. They share interests, talk about their lives, ask for advice, have fun together… 

Of course, I know things seen from the outside always appear more perfect than when you are inside.  Yet, in spite of this knowledge, I also KNOW there are people out there with moms that they really enjoy, (even if they occasionally disagree).  There are people who have mothers that they would CHOOSE to spend time with.  And, being a mother of two young ones (one daughter, one son), still so close to me, yet growing more independent by the day, I want to know why and how. How does that close relationship develop? And why do some mothers and children stay close while some push each other away?

I want my good relationship to grow, to continue, to last with my daughter and son.  But without the firsthand knowledge of a close mother-daughter relationship, I frequently find myself feeling adrift.  Oft times I’m not sure what to say or do to be moving towards closeness with my children – especially at times when they try to pull away (which I know experimenting with increased autonomy with a heavy dose of snottiness is completely normal at this age, but knowing doesn’t make it easy).  As an infant, attachment parenting was easy.  I’ve found that applying the concepts of closeness and attachment gets harder for me – as they grow older, more independent, more wanting to be their selves.  Which, don’t get me wrong – I get!  I want to foster their independence too.  But I also want them to talk to me, like I never did (or ever wanted to) talk to my mom, to want to be around me. To like the things I like, so we can do them together (without pushing them on to them).

And then there’s me: I worry often about setting a good example with who I am, and the way I react to certain situations: could I or should I be more positive, cheerful, and light (or do I risk raising Pollyanna)?  Should I try to be more fun and spontaneous or should I be more organized and regimented?   Should I let them have more privacy or should I ask more details about their day, their friends, their feelings?  My daughter is only 5 (going on 15), but I want to set the stage for sharing now, when the conversations are light…

There are just so many questions – so many unknowns in parenting. I just want to know I’m doing the right thing.  I think I’m on the right path… I just wish there were more clear road signs along the way.   

For those of you who had really clear road maps… what did your mom do that helped foster that closeness?  Or if your mom did something to create distance, if you feel like sharing that, I’d really like to hear it.

Back in the beginning of March I posted about the very first signs of Spring in our perennial gardens – the snow melting and flower sprouts bravely pushing up through the mulch.   Fast forward just two months – see how much exciting growth has happened in our gardens - - -  Thank you Mother Nature!

The kiss of the sun, for pardon. The song of the birds, for mirth.

One is nearer God’s heart in a garden, than anywhere else on earth.

~ Dorothy Frances Gurney

 (Thank you to @OnBradstreet for sharing with me this perfect poem)


Clematis (my favorite climber)

 
Columbine (with Foamflower behind)

Coreopsis (with Hosta)

Poppy (our newest addition this year)

Salvia (with Liatris & Daisies behind - not yet in bloom)

Iris (so beautiful, yet so fleeting - they last only a week)

Wild Strawberries (Mother Nature's surprise for us, it grew in this year in place of grass!)

I’m a crunchy mom. Really, I am.  Wanna hear my credentials? Well, there’s the prenatal stuff: I did prenatal yoga, had a doula, and a midwife.  There’s the parenting stuff: I breastfed (even tandem nursed), coslept (didn’t even set up the crib with our second baby), and  babywore.  Our kids attend Montessori school, we practice gentle discipline, and we selectively vaccinate. There’s the green stuff: we recycle, use natural cleaning products, we're vegetarian, and nearly all the food in our house is organic.  Have you ever heard the song, “Hippies Lament” by Wally Pleasant?  There I am (ha, ha)!

The thing is, I have a confession to make. It’s something that separates me from crunchy mamas everywhere.  Are you ready? I didn’t cloth diaper my kids. Nope. In fact, with my first child, we used straight up Pampers Premium (I’m ducking as green and crunchy things are being thrown at the screen). I suppose I have excuses: I grew up helping my mom cloth diaper my sisters and remembered the folding, the pinning (the poking my fingers), the stinky diaper pails.  Cloth diapering seemed old-fashioned, and quite literally a pain. Plus, I run a business with my husband – so never was a full-time stay-at-home mom (I’ve done a combo of WorkAtHome/BringBabytoWork/WorkWithaNanny).  When I did a little research into cloth, it seemed like such a large up-front investment. And frankly, I’m horrible at laundry. It just didn’t seem like cloth diapering would work for me.

But, really? These are just excuses, not justifications. 

Because the thing is, all excuses aside, I should have cloth diapered.  I should’ve done my research. I should have realized that the growing pains associated with starting cloth, were likely to have been short-lived. I believe now that had we stuck it out and found a set of diapers that worked (we did try – very briefly – cloth diapering with a few Fuzzi Bunz on loan from a friend, and a bunch of gDiapers, which I later returned), we would have ended up saving some money in the long run (we used mostly Pampers premium & 7^th Generation with our first child and solely 7^th Generation disposables with our second child – in other words: expensive) particularly with reselling the used ones, we would potentially have avoided the seemingly endless succession of diaper rashes our daughter had (did you know that Pampers Premium diapers contain the additives: Petrolatum, Stearyl Alcohol, and Aloe Barbadensis Extract?), and maybe most importantly, though certainly most assuredly, by cloth diapering, we would have kept pounds and pounds of stinky non-biodegradable waste material out of landfills and out of the ground water. Waste materials, mind you, that will be there for hundreds of years.  Soiled diapers that will still be decomposing long after we and our conveniently-diapered children are no longer earthside. 

To put it plainly, the clean air council indicates (I’ve decided to cut & paste the exact text because the numbers are so startling that they need repeating): An average child will use between 8,000 -10,000 disposable diapers ($2,000 worth) before being potty trained. Each year, parents and babysitters dispose of about 18 billion of these items. In the United States alone these single-use items consume nearly 100,000 tons of plastic and 800,000 tons of tree pulp. We will pay an average of $350 million annually to deal with their disposal and, to top it off, these diapers will still be in the landfill 300 years from now. Americans throw away 570 diapers per second. That's 49 million diapers per day. [source: http://www.cleanair.org/Waste/wasteFacts.html]

Back to my words: 49 million diapers a day.  That’s disgusting. And it’s not fair to our children, nor to our children’s children’s children.

Why am I telling you this?  To assuage my guilt?  Maybe that’s a little of it.  But mostly, I think I’m confessing to let moms - crunchy or not - who might be leaning towards disposable diapering, know that while the potential “convenience” of disposable diapers is tempting, it just doesn’t compare to the inconvenience to our environment. The amount of trash you’ll leave behind (that I left behind) for those years of convenience just. isn’t. worth it.  Everything I’ve read and understood and seen firsthand from friends who made the environmentally-friendly choice, is that choosing to cloth diaper your babies is nearly as convenient as disposables (especially with the advent of AIO cloth diapers), less expensive than disposables, leaves far less of a carbon footprint (especially if you line dry), is eons “greener” than disposable diapering, and, means you don’t have to end up writing a crunchy confession post like me.

So do/did you cloth diaper? Or do/did you use disposables like me?  Confess... it just feels better.  :)